Fritz Funkenbothum

Fritz Funkenbothum was a mess.

He had moved to Florida, the land of perpetual sunshine, bugs, gnats, unbelievable humidity, swamps, marshes, and huge alligators, seven years ago after his breakup with Mitzy Dumbkin, a two timing lass who was only concerned for herself, and didn’t know the meaning of commitment. Nothing was right in Fritz’s life and had not been for quite sometime, well maybe never.

The job he was promised fell through shortly after his move to Florida, the move to start a new life all over again.

Fritz had a history of finding and losing jobs and his longevity at any one of them was sketchy. He had no friends or family or even a girlfriend, for that matter.

Broke, desperate, and homeless after being evicted from his apartment a few days ago led to thoughts of ending it all, and soon. Eviction almost guaranteed that he would never be able to rent anything in the future, his prospects for finding work with his record of work and skipping out were prohibitive to anything permanent and living in his car was the last straw.

Just having to find a new place to park every night, plus seeing his cash, what little he had left, dwindle was taking a major toll on him. He was exhausted.

Having to find new places to shower or even clean up a bit every day, especially in this hot, muggy weather, was more than he could handle. What to do?

This morning, while looking for a place to shower and get a couple of donuts and a cup of coffee, Fritz passed a gas station, the Filler Up, that looked hopeful for some eats and maybe a clean washroom. He made a u turn and pulled into a parking place under a tall palm tree. Sitting there for a minute to collect his thoughts, he saw a “Help Wanted” sign in the gas station window.

“What the heck” he thought. “I might as well ask about the job and maybe I’ll get lucky. I sure don’t have nothin to lose.”

Fritz entered the station, used the bathroom, tidied himself up as much as possible, found the donuts and asked the attendant for a cup of coffee. They talked for a bit.

Fritz asked about the job and learned that Billy Bob, that’s the attendant guy’s name, was leaving in the next two weeks and needed to find someone to fill in for him as soon as possible. After answering a few employment related questions Fritz was directed to contact the owner who would meet him at the station for an interview this afternoon.

As he opened his wallet to get money to pay for his coffee and donuts, Fritz spied a Lottery flyer by the cash register. Shoot, he thought, I’m almost down to my last few dollars what more can I lose?

So he bought the ticket and put it in his wallet. His last bit of money, but then he did have this job as a possibility.

Fritz met up with the Filler Up owner that afternoon and was hired for as many hours as he wanted to work. He could even park his car in the back where he could safely sleep, away from traffic, and have a teeny bit of privacy.

Billy Bob spent the next two weeks teaching Fritz the ins and outs of the Filler Up.  They exchanged stories about what got them here and each thought they could be friends. Billy Bob was headed to the city where he was promised a job that paid a lot more money which he needed to help care for his Mom who was very ill and not able to take of herself.  He gave Fritz his phone number in case Fritz needed information in running the station and just to chat.  Both recognized the loneliness in each other.

The job wasn’t that difficult to learn and Fritz caught on quickly.

He liked the autonomy and working by himself. He found things to do when the time dragged on. He excelled in this backwoods part of Florida, away from folks who were trying to find him. A few weeks went by and while Fritz was cleaning the counter he glanced at the news on the TV. The speaker was announcing the winning number of the lottery.

Wait! What was that number?

He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and found the ticket.  And there, right there on the ticket was the winning number. He had won. Fritz didn’t know what to do.  He wanted to scream his excitement to the world.  Somehow he found the telephone number to call and was informed that indeed he was the winner.  His number matched.

He was given instructions on what to do next. He called his friend, Billy Bob, and informed him of the lottery win.  The next day, TV crew in tow, officials arrived at the station and awarded Fritz his $76 million’s worth of good fortune. He was on everyone’s news.  Fritz contacted an attorney and found out his share of the proceeds after taxes. 

The first thing he did was to buy the Filler Up station. 

Next he hired an attendant to help run the station.  When that person, Gladys, was comfortable in her new job, Fritz drove to the city and located Billy Bob and his mother. Fritz paid all of her medical bills and encouraged both of them to return to live near the small town that the Filler Up was located in. He bought a triple wide modular and had it placed in back of the Filler Up.

He opened a Food Bank and gave thousands to the charities located in the small town. Mitzy showed up a few days after Fritz’ TV appearance and vowed that she was his one and only and would love him to the end of time. Fritz had her escorted out of the small town with instructions to never return. Billy Bob and his mother moved nearby in a small house that Fritz bought for them.  He and Billy Bob opened two more Filler Up gas stations in nearby towns.

He married Gladys.