It's time to give new meaning to the phrase, 'DWI'

What is it about winter and impaired judgment?

First off, it generally has little to do with too much spiked eggnog punch like that Clark Griswold wolfed down while surrounded by a house filled with dysfunctional family members in the movie classic, “Christmas Vacation.”

Now the acronym DWI — driving while intoxicated and the term many of us grew up with has given way to DUI, driving under the influence — is ripe for a rebrand.

DWI from now on ought to signify: Driving While an Idiot. No, this does not refer to the Interstate 90 speedsters who race by you on glare ice, just because they have four-wheel-drive. As we all know, while that feature can help one out of the snow, it DOES NOT help you stop in an emergency.

More on that at another time, however.

For some reason, it seems that Driving While an Idiot stories were especially prevalent in the final few weeks of 2016.

The tales of at least three families made the news at various levels. And thankfully, all are able to relive the experience with family and friends around a warm fire.

People like Karen and Eric Klein and family; Ron Sanquist, his wife Karen, and their daughter; as well as an unnamed family, are all quite fortunate to live to tell.

The anonymous incident occurred just north of us outside of Cranbrook, British Columbia. There, a family of four, on the way to San Francisco from Calgary, followed GPS down an unplowed road, “And into trouble,” reported Canadian Press. Their ordeal lasted just an hour.

The Klein’s from Easton, Pa. became stranded on a forest road. Not just any forest road, but on a quest to reach the North Rim of the Grand Canyon in Arizona.

At 8,297 feet above sea level, the North Rim of the Grand Canyon is the equivalent elevation of many a mountain peak found in the nearby Cascade Range.

So just before Christmas, the Kleins, on vacation out West, thought it would be a fun idea to see what is certainly one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World.

Yes it certainly is, but not now, and not there.

After seeing that the normal route was closed for the season, bound and determined, they put trust in Google Maps.

“Google Maps shows there’s a way — but it’s impassable,” Jim Driscoll, chief deputy for Coconino County told the Associated Press. “This is a problem we’ve had numerous times.”

The trio drove 26 miles before getting stuck, forcing Karen Klein to attempt to hike out. Luckily, she holed up in a cabin, and her husband was able to hike to high enough ground to find cell service. Rescuers reached them before an approaching storm.

The Sanquist’s were off to California from their Oregon City home near Portland, also just before Christmas. They, too, relied primarily on GPS, but Karen Sanquist also “checked the road conditions on their phone, on MapQuest and with ODOT (Oregon Department of Transportation).”

And away they went, down Robert Frost’s “the road-less-traveled,” and into the rugged Siskiyou Mountains.

“We didn’t just rely on the GPS, we also relied on other sources and it said yeah, this is an okay trip to take, go ahead and go that way,” Karen Sanquist told KPTV in Portland. “All of a sudden you’re in two, three feet of snow,” and stuck Ron Sanquist said.

Fortunately, the Sanquist’s ordeal was relatively short. Ron’s five-mile hike the next morning delivered a cell signal, help was on the way and they were soon off to their destination.

While not intended — like getting stuck way off any normal beaten path — the Klein’s are being heralded as heroes. The Sanquist’s, well they got where they were going, but were disabled on the way home by mechanical trouble.

The Klein’s story has made many a network news story and had exposure, no pun intended, in newspapers far and wide. They are fortunate folk heroes for a few days.

But here’s an idea.

What about first responders who have their personnel put in harms way — and parts their budgets siphoned off rescuing fools— being able to issue a fine, plus charge at least a portion of the rescue cost to the recipient of the “new DWI?”

While we’re at it, let’s lump in SWI (Snowmobiling While Idiot and Skiing While Idiot) and other common senseless foolish outdoors activities.

Then instead of having their 15 minutes of fame, they remember that time fondly with charges and fees that leave a very distinctive mark on their wallet.

Paul Delaney can be reached at [email protected].