Hey Dad, look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.
-- “Perfect,” Simple Plan
Lately in the news there's been talk about how “helicopter parents” are enfeebling America's echo-boomer generation.
You know the term, “helicopter parent,” right? A person who pays extremely close attention to his or her child or children, often makes decisions (particularly educational ones) for them, prevents harm from touching them, or lets them learn from their own mistakes?
It's a pejorative expression for parents (mostly baby boomers) widely used in the media, even though there's been little academic research into its phenomenon. Some conclusions say the term dates specifically back to 1991 and gained a wider notoriety when American college administrators began using it in the early 2000s, as Generation Y reached college age.
The news says it's a prevalent trend, seeing parents increasingly infiltrate their children's academic, extra-curricular and professional lives, often questioning their kids' grades, negotiating college admissions and—more commonly—job offers.
A 2004 “60 Minutes” special discussed how the kids of baby boomers, born between 1982 and 1995 (I'm safe by just one year), are being overmanaged and over pressured to a degree it threatens their ability to live independent from their parents because they lack the life skills to function as adults.
How this trend came to be so common has specialists pointing to a lot of things that could be to blame, though no conclusion is certain. Mary Elizabeth Hughs, a sociologist at Duke University, says helicopter parenting “may be an outward sign of economic anxiety, particularly when parents consider the uncertain job market that awaits their children.” Communication through cell phones and email make frequent contact and exchange between parents and their kids possible and more frequent. The boomer generation's reputation for intense oversight having been raised in the 1960s and ‘70s, where they were exposed to a lot of social change and alternative lifestyles, may also be a factoring cause to this “hovering” style of parenting.
(The list goes on, but I've got a word limit, so I referenced points most commonly speculated.)
I agree with all the above conclusions, but I also think a lot of the helicopter “hovering” stems from more of a combination of good intentions gone too far, fear, and vicariousness.
It's normal to want the best and nothing less for your child, and people who are committed to that will take whatever steps they have to in order to achieve that.
However, it's grounds for dangerous territory when taken to extremes, and unfortunately we live in a culture that thrives on and is defined by its extremities.
For every part of life, there exists an ideal standard that we strive to meet, and both education and career make up a big part of how we define ourselves. Higher education is a tough field nowadays, having changed from being an afforded luxury to a requirement for most jobs. College is available to the general population and tuition costs have more than doubled since 1967, with inflation. Furthermore, a bachelor's degree isn't sufficient qualification for a growing number of careers.
With this picture in mind, it's easy to see why concern among parents is high when it comes to their child's future. There's a lot to contend with.
But there's a line you cross when you go from being a parent to acting as a kid's friend and publicist, making decisions they essentially could end up resenting you for later on. Getting a shoe in to a college or high-end job won't help a kid lacking self reliance and the ability to make a decision without help from mom and dad.
I believe that strong parent-child relationships can be a lifelong asset, but they shouldn't exist on a level where one part is constantly overseeing the actions of the other. There's no room for the necessary breakaway that comes at a certain age.
I also think in the end, a push from the nest is something an adult child will eventually be thankful for.
We all have to grow up someday; let's not make it harder than it already is.
Reader Comments(0)