By JOHN McCALLUM
Editor
Years ago, the oddball sports stuff was what you would see on ABC's “Wide World of Sports.”
You know. Bowling, pool (OK, billiards if you must), contests that are better classified as games of skill rather than sports, which I think should require some sort of physical exertion other than rolling a ball down a lane in really ugly shoes, or creating a callous by trying to put a little extra English on a cue ball.
There were probably other games of skill that didn't make it onto WWS back then simply because it was a limited venue. Got to have time to get in pairs ice-skating without cutting into the “Wonderful World of Disney,” or the “Sunday Night Movie of the Week.”
Along comes ESPN in the early 1980s and suddenly sports addicts had a true outlet for staring mindlessly at the TV until all hours of the morning, watching such popular sports as Australian-Rules Football. Without it, we would never have been able to see those guys dressed in white flicking their index fingers after every goal like they were pulling pistols from holsters.
But along comes poker coverage, and it seems everything under the sun is fair game to be treated as sport. This begs a question, and that is, when will it end?
I ask this after having stumbled across ESPN's broadcast last week of the National Spelling Bee in Washington D.C. I appreciate the fact that 13-year-old Evan O'Dorney of Danville, Calif., had to spell “serrefine,” – a noun describing small forceps – to become the last one standing at the 80th annual event. Heck, I used to be the last guy standing back in middle school when it was boys against girls in a spelling match up too.
But even so, what in the name of Wide, Wide World of Sports does that have to do with man-or-woman-against-something competition? What's next, dog shows?
Oh wait; too late, saw that the other day too.
At the rate we're going, anything and everything will be considered competition. If that's the case, then I'd like to start brushing up on my cribbage game.
It seems natural to me that would be the next game to make it in as a broadcast sport. It's got poker's elements of figuring out best hands, even wagering, plus, there's that exciting pegging action in “The Play.”
I was a pretty fair player in college and for a while afterwards, but now, I couldn't make a double-run with a pair and three 15s if I tried, much less peg a 15-2, or remember to take nobs. Yep, I'm pegged-out of shape.
I predict that soon, we'll have the WSMP – the World Series of Mall Parking in which contestants will vie against each other and the clock in an automotive version of musical chairs.
I also predict the demise of the Food Network, and the coming of Iron Chef America to ESPN. Hey man, I'll trade you a Bobby Flay and a Masaharu Morimoto card for a Cat Cora.
We can probably even set up local sports. How about competitive journalism?
I can see it now, odds at Vegas on the next time the Free Press or the Spokesman-Review screws up a headline (thought we wouldn't say anything, didn't you?).
It seems we no longer use the combination of physical and mental exertion as the sole definer for what sports might be, or that a sporting event should be decided on the field, or on the track, rather than in the judge's booth.
If there's elements of competition, anticipation, and audience appeal, mixed with a little mystique, then let's call it sport, and put it on the air.
Given that, I'd better pull out my music version of “Scene It” and start practicing.
Cribbage anyone?
John McCallum can be reached at [email protected]
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