The Germans are at it again. This time, it's four-footed, masked-faced, bushy-tailed German “Raccoon Panzer Division.” I kid you not.
It seems that back in 1934, Herman Goering, being “master of the German forests” (among other things in the new Reich), was persuaded to allow the importation of that mammal called the raccoon. Little did he now that the raccoon has no natural enemy.
Fast forward 80 years and now the damn things are overrunning all of Germany, invading neighboring Austria and the forests of Czechoslovakia. It's sort of nature's modern-day version of “blitzkrieg warfare.”
Instead of steel Panzer divisions over-running Europe, we now have German “Raccoon Panzer Divisions” eating everything in sight and destroying homes and property in Germany and Austria. I'm telling you, it's the 1930s all over again.
It's sort of like the beginning of a furry four-footed Fourth Reich!
To hell with global warming. Our real enemy, according to the latest intelligence brief from the CIA, are these damn raccoons. If we don't do something about them now, pretty soon they will be on our doorsteps. It's better to fight them overseas now rather than fight them over here. Their slogan is, “Today Europe, tomorrow the world.”
Of course, there are raccoons and then there are raccoons. How does one tell the difference between a German raccoon and an Austrian raccoon? One cannot just lump all raccoons together. It's not as simple as that. Perhaps nature, as always, is telling us something here.
One of the lessons may be to be careful of what we import into the country, as the Germans are finding out right now. The other lesson is that nature has its own way of extolling revenge on the human race. It's all these damned raccoons' fault, and guess where they all originally came from – here!
Graeme Webster
Cheney
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